Harry's Plan
by hewhoistomriddle
Summary: Harry has a plan to show the Ministry what they're facing. Ill attempt at humor. Oneshot.


**Recent notes**: Minor edits were done.

**Original notes**: This is my first attempt at humor so it's baaaaaaddddddd.... I don't expect most of you to understand why I find it funny, unless you go to my school. I've been cracking up for the past few days. I'll do my other fics when I'm sane again. No ill will or taunting meant. (big fat sorry from me if anyone's offended)

**Disclaimer**: I don't own HP. Nor do I own the Oblation Run (where the concept was originally from before it was ruthlessly mocked).

**Warnings**: CRACK.

* * *

**HARRY's PLAN  
**

* * *

"Harry! You're not serious!" Hermione's eyes bugged as soon as comprehension dawned on her. "The very idea is preposterous!"

They were in the Gryffindor common room, discussing the recent announcement of the Ministry of Magic. Several people had been outraged at the news and someone had to take charge, the reason they were currently having this meeting.

"Why not, Hermione?" Harry Potter grinned wryly, eyes dancing. "It _could_ work…"

"Not bloody likely," Hermione muttered under her breath.

"Harry," Ron interrupted, looking quite self-conscious. "I understand you want to help me –and all other poor students out there…but isn't there another way? Something that won't, well…"

"No," Harry shook his head vigorously. "We must fight the system! We have to show them that we won't back down so easily!"

"But I'm sure we could _reason_ with them. Dumbledore would listen to us and he could voice out our concerns with the school governors _and_ the Ministry," said Hermione desperately. Harry's plan, in her opinion, was utter madness. _Whatever happened to that nice, meek boy I met on the train?_

"No buts, Hermione," Harry grinned at her. He had that determined look in his eyes, mixed with a sort of wild happiness. "It's time for us to take action. Don't you even realize what they're trying to do to us?"

"I understand that they're only trying to impose matriculation fees on the students. But that isn't such a problem, is it?" Hermione glanced awkwardly at Ron, who shrugged.

"Nooo…" Harry drawled out as he rolled his eyes upward. "It's a way of _controlling_ us! They're trying to psych us into thinking they're in charge when they're really _not_!"

"Yeah, 'Mione," Ron agreed, flushing deep red up to this ears. "Let's show them what were made of! We're not going to take this lying down!"

"Here! Here!" Seamus yelled from one side of the room. "You tell 'em, mate!"

"We're with you, Ron!" Dean shouted. Lavender and Parvati giggled uncontrollably behind him.

"Hogwarts didn't bill anyone for over a thousand years and that's the way it should be! We don't care what they say! Just because they're wealthy and can afford the proposed twenty galleons every year… Every magical child should have the right to study here!"

He sniggered, quite uncharacteristic of him.

"No, let me rephrase that, every magical child...except Parkinson."

"And Malfoys! The whole lot of them should've been cast out a long time ago." Ron added wickedly. Echoes of agreement filled the room.

"Yeah," Harry chuckled weakly, suddenly losing the inflated quality in his voice. "Malfoy."

* * *

"So," Hermione plopped down her books on the table where Harry had been finalizing his plan. She sounded exasperated. "Just how many of you are participating in this dumb scheme of yours, Harry?"

"It's not dumb," Harry frowned at her, feigning hurt. "I think it'll be quite effective. We only began asking people yesterday and most of them will definitely _participate_. Excuse me, did you want to sign up?"

Hermione's jaw dropped. Her scandalized expression put an amused smile on Harry's face as she tried to retort an appropriate reply. Finally, because the words seemed to elude her, she huffed at him and checked out the lists.

"As you can see," Harry smiled smugly. "Quite a lot of Gryffindors, you're probably the only one who won't help."

"What!" Hermione scanned the list again. "You and Ron are participating?! There'll be girls in this?!"

Two pink spots appeared on Harry's cheeks. "_Of course_, we're joining. And weren't you the one who'd always stood up for female empowerment and all?"

"Who else are coming?" Hermione sniffed, ignoring the last question.

"Well, we're not allowing anyone under fifth year…and I highly doubt if anyone from Slytherin (they're filthy rich anyway) would want to help…though I expect we'll be seeing them there. You know them…they can't resist a good –"

"Harry!" Hermione gaped at him. "Just answer the question!"

"Answer what?" At that moment, Ron had just entered the common room, looking curious but ecstatic. "Eight more people wanted to join, Harry! I have their names here somewhere…oh, there…This is absolutely brilliant! Hufflepuffs are less stuffy than I imagined."

"Oh for –" Hermione stood up and snatched the piece of paper Ron was holding. "Susan?! Susan Bones?! I can't believe it. The world had gone bonkers!"

"Chill, Hermione," Harry looked at her oddly, wondering what all the fuss was about. "Nobody'll know who's who."

"No?" Hermione stared up at him.

"No," Harry confirmed, looking mortified at the thought that _he'll_ be recognized. "We've already given out the Metamorphagi-potions (which I spelled to be completely ineffective if used for a different purpose, just to be safe). Once it's consumed, the drinker will be able to change appearance at will, effective for 24 hours."

"That's," Hermione faltered. "That's amazing, Harry. When did you get so good at Potions?"

Harry sent her a sardonic look, then lightened up. "So you'll join?"

Hermione spared him a withering glance. "I won't even be attending. I refuse to watch you all humiliate yourselves…"

"If you say so, Mione," said Harry, a suspicious glint in his emerald eyes. Ron, still clutching the stacks of paper looked disappointed. "But if you ever change your mind, it'll be this Saturday, just before the Quidditch match with Slytherin, on the pitch."

* * *

"I can't believe I'm here," Hermione said aloud to herself in dismay. Her words were lost in the buzzing excitement of the other students for the first game of the season, between the two 'best' Houses.

She had originally planned to spend the morning in the Library, waiting until Harry's diabolical plot was finished, then go off the catch the game. However, within minutes, the 'friend' in her couldn't bear to just sit there while Harry and Ron glorified themselves in the students' eyes. And so, she had dashed off at a startling pace to the Quidditch Field.

She was beginning to feel apprehensive though. It was nearly 9 o'clock and there still weren't any sign of them…and people were getting excited, _alarmingly so_. She could see only a scattering of seventh years like herself (not counting the Slytherins).

The teachers and staff who were present noticed this, looking confused (but not Dumbledore, he appeared to have an idea of what was going on, that sly old fox). Professor McGonagall was making way towards Hermione, intent on asking where…

_BOOM! _A raucous display of Filibuster's Fireworks exploded from the Gryffindor locker rooms, causing everyone's head to turn. Eyes bugged. Jaws dropped. Blood spurted out of noses.

Dozens of students, naked as the day they were born, poured out into the field. None of them was recognizable, though their gaits and bearings looked very familiar.

One, a young male with pale skin and platinum-blond hair (Pansy shrieked at the mockery), led them running in a huge circle around the field, flaunting their – ehem – _assets_. Several carried wands, and they shot messages like "Down with School Fees!" "TO HELL with new policies!" and "We want RIGHTS!" in flaming red letters into the air.

_They're actually going through with it…_ Hermione's face burned at the sight of so many – pricks. Students around her were covering their wide-open mouths, eyes devouring in the scene.

Several of the 'demonstrators' summoned their brooms and were flying mockingly close to where Ministry officials and school governors were sitting (shock and indignation and mortification on their faces). It was Harry's idea to invite them…'for a special treat' the letter said.

One of the flyers, a male with wind-blown black hair and (admittedly) great body, even swooped in on Fudge and Lucius Malfoy, bearing the message "Magic is not for sale!" on his toned chest.

Those remaining on the ground began to dance as a song burst out from the lockers. It looked like a badly imitated jellyfish-mating ritual.

"STOPPPPP!" McGonagall, her witch's hat askew, cried out loudly, breaking the almost trance-like state of the pitch. "What is the meaning of this – _this_ – atrocity?! All of you! Get out of here at once and, for goodness sake, put on some clothes!"

The lot of them, laughing wildly and waving at the screaming crowd, ran back to where they came, looking terribly red-faced either from running or embarrassment. One of them even had the audacity to blow a kiss to a livid Snape.

"You two! NOW!" She shouted at the two remaining boys, possibly the ringleaders, who wouldn't budge.

"No!" The one who looked remarkably like Harry Potter shouted. Even his voice was disguised. "Not until you retract the new policy!"

Yells of agreement from the crowd. A new riot was beginning to form; the air was wrung with tension. Chants were starting up again.

"That is enough," Dumbledore's magically magnified voice echoed throughout the field. The authority in it was enough to hush the enlivened crowd.

"Lucius Malfoy," he nodded to the imperious-looking, and absolutely livid, man beside him. "has just informed me that the Board of Governors will withdraw their votes in favor of "commercializing Hogwarts", shall we say? On the one condition that you students will never do anything this extreme again, though I must commend whoever it was who came up with this idea." He winked at the boys on the brooms, blue eyes twinkling.

"_See, Minister, I told you these students were stubborn…"_

* * *

"You actually did it!" Hermione ran up the field as Harry Potter, now back to his real form, landed. He was still clutching the snitch as he grinned broadly at her.

"It told you it would work."

"Hey, hey," Seamus leaped unto the field beside them (he had been substituting as a Beater). "Great job mate! Standing up to McGonagall like that, not even bothering to change your form very well! I mean, everyone could tell it was you!"

Harry's smile fell a little and he shifted awkwardly.

"Um, that wasn't me, Seamus." He looked around the field, looking as if to see the person who did it. "I was the one imitating Malfoy. Ron –?"

"Nope, wasn't me," Ron shook his head, ears heating up. A small crowd of ex-demonstrators had gathered around them, celebrating their victory, but no one admitted to being the Potter lookalike.

"Damn, he had such a great body too!" Lavender joked. Harry had to agree.

* * *

In the Slytherin locker rooms, Lucius Malfoy was looking stonily at his son, waiting for an explanation.

"You should've caught the snitch, Draco." He said calmly, without anger. His son looked beaten and despondent enough. "To give them victory is one thing, but to do it _twice_ is quite another."

"What –" Draco looked up, surprise in his stormy gray eyes. He brushed back his spider-silk hair with his hand nervously, trying to sound nonchalant. "Whatever do you mean, father?"

"Don't think I wouldn't recognize when you nearly flew into the Minister and me earlier," Lucius' lips twisted into a little smirk. "I knew it was you at once."

* * *

End.


End file.
